Thursday, 4 June 2015

MicroApple: Apple and Microsoft announce merger

Microsoft and Apple, have announced they are planning to merge later this year. Their first project is to move all employees to a new space-based orb in order to offer services "from the space" rather than "from the cloud" like other common firms with less money.

One of the first new services to be offered will be 'Office Death Ray 365' to annihilate your competition no matter what day of the year (except leap years.)

It appears the two companies have been planning the merger since at least April 2006 when Steve Jobs announced Apple's new "Spaceship" campus designed to take employees to the new space orb and return to the ground on annual visits where a Hunger Games-style deathmatch will be held in the centre to be the first consumer to obtain each new device.

Significant money exchanged hands in order to appease shareholders into agreeing to this move. Microsoft paid Apple $ 40 billion, whilst Apple paid Microsoft $ 40 billion. Analysts believe this significant investment will lead to even better products for customers in the future ...

As part of the deal, Microsoft's hardware will now be able to sport the 'i' before their names which will add tremendous value as we've seen with Apple's devices. Initial products will include; iSurface, iLumia, and the iBox.

The iBox, in particular, is set to benefit most from the partnership. Combined with DirectX 13, MicroApple will be able to stream 8K games around the Milky Way, through Mars, and even over the Snickers wrapper from your powerful iPC to your iBox sitting a couple of meters away.

Sources inside the company tell us that Apple execs finally admitted to the Surface being a far-more versatile device than the new MacBook which does not even have a USB port without an adapter! The iSurface Pro 4 will, however, abandon Windows in favour of a new OS already in-creation from Apple ...

The name of the OS distances itself from stunning landscapes and big cats in favour of household objects. MicrOS X v10.11 'Mug' edition features a help button which when pressed will order Starbucks to your location. Other features include; moustache-trimmer support, "pretend you're a birdy" map mode, access to everyone's emails, and secretive brainwashing.

All current Lumia devices will morph into a fluorescent yellow "iLumianati" triangle with a single speaker through which if you listen close you can hear Siri and Cortana having a heated argument about who tells the best joke. Truly, it's the next step-forward for artificial intelligence.

What do you think about the new partnership Microsoft between and Apple? Let us know in the comments.

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